Suicidal Thoughts

This isn't the first time and it won't be the last time I wonder, what made you do it? 

What could've been so bad to make you want to go that far?

And I still don't know. 

Did you mean to do it? Did you really see no other way out and were we not enough to make you want to stay? 

I guess not. 

You called me "Ching" I imagine it's because of these tiny eyes that seem to be inherited from you, since Shabz has them too. 

I've met so many people who knew you personally and I hear nothing but good. What a nice person, caring and gentle, a family man and I don't doubt any of that but this thing that overwhelmed and consumed you has left me puzzled. 

If I said I understood it i'd be lying. I haven't been where you've been or felt what you've felt so please don't think I'm judging you, I'm not.

I'm just trying to find answers to questions that will forever remain unanswered cause now you're gone. 

It's been hard to comprehend that in that moment it wasn't about us or anyone else, the bottomless pit of hopelessness, you must've been so low, I can't even begin to imagine how that feels. I wish we could've saved you somehow, consoled and told you that you're not alone and we can fight this together, it's too late.

Just know, the tears won't dry and my love for you won't ever fade. I'll always be your Ching. 

Sadly my Dad committed suicide many years ago, it wasn't spoken about and I was only told that he died because he was "sick" as my Mum didn't know how to approach the topic. Unfortunately so many years later it's still the same, a touchy subject that people are seemingly ashamed to speak about, which is why I wrote this. I'd love if the world spoke about Mental Health as much as they do Physical Health, they're both equally important. 

Mixed anxiety and depression is the most common mental health disorder in Britain and although self harm and suicide aren't mental health problems they stem from mental distress. 

In 2013 6,233 suicides were recorded in the U.K. For people 15 and over. 78% of these were male and 22% were female. 


This information and more can be found on the links below.

If you yourself are having suicidal thoughts, not sure how to feel or are confused about how you feel please seek help. There are many organisations that are on hand especially for you! You're not alone. 


Speak soon,